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(Strawweight) Straw Dork Boom II defeated Army of Dorkness 1 by technical knockout (TKO) in round 7.

Match Monday, June 29, 2020

In this corner, standing 4 feet and 5 inches (135 centimeters) tall weighing in at 96 pounds (44 kilograms) is Straw Dork Boom II!!

In this corner, standing 4 feet and 5 inches (135 centimeters) tall weighing in at 86 pounds (39 kilograms) is Army of Dorkness 1!!

The referee for this bout will be Joe Cortez.

ROUND 1

Straw clinches when his opponent closes. (clinching)
Dorkness 1 tries to cut off the ring. (cutting off the ring)

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-Dorkness 1 fires a pair of punches to the head, but misses.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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+Straw wakes up the fans with a heavy hook to the chest.
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+Straw staggers Dorkness 1 with a nice hook to the chest. Dorkness 1 falls against the ropes!
+Dorkness 1 hits with a pair of nasty combinations to the chin!! Straw seems wobbly!
+Dorkness 1 belts Straw with a series of strong combinations to the temple!
+Dorkness 1 tags Straw with a flurry of nasty combinations to the jaw. Straw gets mad!
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
-Dorkness 1 charges with a combination to the chin, but Straw narrowly avoids it
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+Dorkness 1 pummels Straw with a head butt! The referee sees it and issues a warning!
-Straw fires a flurry of left punches to the chest, but Dorkness 1 steps aside.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Straw Dork Boom II landed 14 of 25 punches, and Army of Dorkness 1 landed 17 of 31 punches.

Straw Dork Boom II won the round 10-9

Straw Dork Boom II is winning the fight 10-9


Straw doesn't want to stop fighting!

Dorkness 1 doesn't even want to rest!



ROUND 2

Straw clinches when his opponent closes. (clinching)
Dorkness 1 tries to cut off the ring. (cutting off the ring)

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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.

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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
-Dorkness 1 throws a pair of right combinations to the chest, but Straw ducks.
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+Dorkness 1 lands a volley of punches to the solar plexus.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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-Straw tries to land a barrage of punches to the stomach, but fails to score.
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+Dorkness 1 tattoos Straw with a volley of glancing punches to the ribs.
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+Straw wallops Dorkness 1 with a pair of wild shots to the ribs. Dorkness 1 beats a hasty retreat.
-Straw launches a series of blows to the chest, but fails to score.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Straw Dork Boom II landed 11 of 22 punches, and Army of Dorkness 1 landed 12 of 23 punches.

Straw Dork Boom II won the round 10-9

Straw Dork Boom II is winning the fight 20-18


Straw doesn't even want to rest!

Dorkness 1 grabs a water bottle and rests on his stool.



ROUND 3

Straw clinches when his opponent closes. (clinching)
Dorkness 1 tries to cut off the ring. (cutting off the ring)

Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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-Straw throws a flurry of left combinations to the chest, but Dorkness 1 stays away from it.
Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.

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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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-Dorkness 1 paws a series of left combinations to the solar plexus, but Straw covers himself well.
+Dorkness 1 pounds Straw with a series of wild combinations to the chest. Straw sneers "My little sister can hit harder than you!"
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+Straw shakes Dorkness 1 with a series of mean punches to the ribs. Dorkness 1 asks for time to wipe off the blood.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.

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-Straw fires a series of punches to the ribs, but Dorkness 1 deftly avoits it.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Straw Dork Boom II landed 12 of 23 punches, and Army of Dorkness 1 landed 12 of 22 punches.

Straw Dork Boom II won the round 10-9

Straw Dork Boom II is winning the fight 30-27


Straw doesn't even want to rest!

Dorkness 1 is obviously tired.



ROUND 4

Straw clinches when his opponent closes. (clinching)
Dorkness 1 tries to cut off the ring. (cutting off the ring)

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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.

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-Dorkness 1 attacks with a series of punches to the chest, but Straw quickly backs away.
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-Straw probes with a volley of punches to the solar plexus, but falls short.
-Straw attempts a barrage of right shots to the solar plexus, but only hits air.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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+Straw scores with a flurry of blows to the stomach.
+Straw hurts Dorkness 1 with a mean jab to the solar plexus.
-Straw probes with a hook to the solar plexus, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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+Dorkness 1 pounds Straw with a jab to the ribs.
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-Dorkness 1 launches a pair of combinations to the stomach, but Straw narrowly avoids it
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Straw Dork Boom II landed 11 of 25 punches, and Army of Dorkness 1 landed 8 of 25 punches.

Straw Dork Boom II won the round 10-9

Straw Dork Boom II is winning the fight 40-36


Straw remains standing while the trainer wipes him down.

Dorkness 1 is slowing down.



ROUND 5

Straw clinches when his opponent closes. (clinching)
Dorkness 1 tries to cut off the ring. (cutting off the ring)

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+Straw annoys Dorkness 1 with a pair of punches to the ribs. Dorkness 1 seems wobbly!
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+Straw throws a series of punches to the chest.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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-Straw throws a series of shots to the stomach, but misses.
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-Straw attempts a flurry of left blows to the ribs, but flails uselessly.
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-Straw tries a left roundhouse to the stomach, but flails uselessly.
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-Dorkness 1 throws a series of blows to the stomach, but falls short.
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+Straw whacks Dorkness 1 with a volley of powerful punches to the stomach.
+Dorkness 1 rocks Straw with a painful hook to the solar plexus.
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-Dorkness 1 probes with a series of left blows to the ribs, but Straw leaps aside.

BELL

According to the commentator:

Straw Dork Boom II landed 21 of 40 punches, and Army of Dorkness 1 landed 7 of 22 punches.

Straw Dork Boom II won the round 10-9

Straw Dork Boom II is winning the fight 50-45


Straw remains standing while the trainer wipes him down.

Dorkness 1 collapses limply onto his stool.



ROUND 6

Straw clinches when his opponent closes. (clinching)
Dorkness 1 tries to cut off the ring. (cutting off the ring)

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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.

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+Straw whacks Dorkness 1 with a volley of punches to the chest.
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-Straw probes with a volley of punches to the solar plexus, but he's too slow.
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-Dorkness 1 tries a barrage of left punches to the stomach, but Straw ducks just in time.
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+Straw slams Dorkness 1 with a pair of punches to the solar plexus.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
-Straw launches a volley of punches to the ribs, but Dorkness 1 ducks.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
+Straw jolts Dorkness 1 with a flurry of stinging punches to the chest.
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-Straw probes with a series of left shots to the solar plexus, but misses completely.
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+Straw staggers Dorkness 1 with a flurry of combinations to the stomach.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Straw Dork Boom II landed 27 of 43 punches, and Army of Dorkness 1 landed 5 of 25 punches.

Straw Dork Boom II won the round 10-9

Straw Dork Boom II is winning the fight 60-54


Straw remains standing while the trainer wipes him down.

Dorkness 1 can't remember which corner is his.



ROUND 7

Straw clinches when his opponent closes. (clinching)
Dorkness 1 tries to cut off the ring. (cutting off the ring)

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+Straw jolts Dorkness 1 with a vicious straight right to the ribs!
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-Dorkness 1 tries to land a pair of combinations to the stomach, but loses his balance.
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+Straw tags Dorkness 1 with a volley of strong blows to the chest.
+Straw lashes out with a barrage of strong punches to the solar plexus.
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+Straw tattoos Dorkness 1 with a series of quick shots to the stomach.
Straw lands a cruel left haymaker and Dorkness 1 staggers. He reaches for the ropes ... and misses -- Flop!!

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FOUR

FIVE

SIX

SEVEN
Dorkness 1 struggles to his feet and the fight goes on.
Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.

+Dorkness 1 hits with a flurry of vicious combinations to the chest.
+Straw pokes Dorkness 1 with a flurry of punches to the chest.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
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Dorkness 1 tries to attack, but Straw hangs on until the referee separates them.
-Straw launches a barrage of right punches to the stomach, but Dorkness 1 covers himself well.
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+Straw smashes Dorkness 1 with a pair of blows to the chest. Straw is raining blows! Dorkness 1 begs for mercy! The Referee stops the fight!
Straw Dork Boom II wins by a Knock Out!!

BELL
Straw remains standing while the trainer wipes him down.

Dorkness 1 can't remember which corner is his.






Judge Guimond had the fight scored as follows:

Round 1: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 2: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 3: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 4: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 5: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 6: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9


Judge Leinbach had the fight scored as follows:

Round 1: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 2: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 3: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 4: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 5: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 6: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9


George Foreman had the fight scored as follows:

Round 1: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 2: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 3: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 4: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 5: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9
Round 6: Straw Dork Boom II 10-9

Straw Dork Boom II wins by a technical knockout!